36 in 365

Why did I want to do this again?

2011-07-28T20:27:00.000-07:00

One of my 36 things is getting in shape so in the past few days I have been working very had at this. Ok, not that hard, but working out for about 15 minutes a day, at home with no equipment, because that is definitely the best way to do it, right?

I'm just starting out with the basics for now because I am about as out of shape as a kettle is black.....or something.

So the first night I focused on pushups and managed to do 20. Not consecutively, but managed to get it done.

Last night I tried to do a more rounded workout. Managed 10 pushups, 30 situps and 20 squats before my body screamed profanities and threatened to shut down.

Tonight I did the same "exercises" and managed 20 pushups (consecutively) 37 situps and 20 squats. I tried to do one more squat and literally fell over, so I thought I should probably stop.

I was sore all day and every time I moved my abs felt like death so I was not looking forward to tonight but it actually hurts less tonight than it did last night so hopefully that is a good sign.

It is always hard to type because my arms are so heavy when I get finished, but I feel like laying down and dying afterwards is counter-productive.

The food I am craving immediately afterward is probably counter-productive as well.

So that's where I am today. Feels like I'll never get to where I want to be, but I'm headed in the right direction for once.

36 in 365??

2011-07-19T18:31:00.000-07:00

I can't believe how long it has been since I wrote anything on here. Things have been pretty crazy. The youth group has been keeping me busy, on top of my children keeping me busy of course.

Hannah finished pre-k in May so she starts Kindergarten in about 2 weeks. I am still working on the curriculum (if you can even call it that) but I just about have it worked out. There are a few things that she should have been able to do by the end of pre-k and still cannot but for the most part she is ready for 1st grade, so Kindergarten will be pretty relaxed. I am actually hoping to get into some 1st grade work by Christmas and maybe she will be ready or close to ready for 2nd grade work by the end of the school year. Not pushing it of course. She is only 4 :)

Catielynn is growing up quickly. Talking a lot. Smart and defiant, just like her mother :) She is getting into the 2 year old stage. Whiny and kind of mean, but still cute. I have some pre-k curriculum ready for her too. I am hoping to have her ready for kindergarten work by 4. Once again, not pushing it. She is still working on potty training. I don't really think treats and things work so well so we are just letting her go at her own pace. She is getting to where she doesn't want to poop in her diaper though so it won't be long now.

We found out we were pregnant a little over a month ago and then about 2 weeks ago we lost the baby. I am doing ok. Better than I thought I would do. Still not something I want to talk (or blog) about though. I do plan to have a longer post solely about that. One of my 36 things, though obviously one that was unplanned and not happy.

1 thing I did do that can go on the list though. We bought a "new" car! AND it's a stick so I learned to drive it :) I definitely think that counts as 2 things. Just sayin'

A few things I would like to accomplish this year (as part of my 36 things) : Catielynn potty trained, start eating healthier, work out more, get my wedding ring sized, start school.

It's a start. Something I was supposed to do in February. Oh well, better late than never :)

Hello blog world!!

2011-04-15T18:23:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted in forever!! Things have been so busy around here!

Let's see.....we moved out of my dad's into a fantastic townhouse conveniently located across the street from my church! The timing couldn't have been better because we have also recently finished working on our office at the church so we can work on lessons and keep all of our youth information there AND we don't have to drive too far to do it ;)

Catielynn is now talking a lot, peeing in the potty a few times a day and getting cuter and cuter by the second!

Hannah is doing great with homeschooling! She is slowly working through her alphabet (writing and recognizing) and I am slowly learning what works and what doesn't. It isn't as easy as I thought it would be but at the same time it isn't as hard as I was afraid of. The bond that we have is amazing and I am so thankful that I am able to stay at home with them and be their teacher.

Brian's job is going well. He is on 3rd shift now and it requires us to constantly change our schedule. It feels like we will never be adjusted but it is pretty good money and even better, he enjoys it!

I am in the process of signing up for school. Just some paperwork stuff left to do. I am nervous about that....afraid I may be biting off more than I can chew, but I'll never know unless I try, right?

The business is picking up now that the weather is nicer. It is hard to be patient with how little we are doing but I have to remember that we can't handle much more. God is sending us exactly what we need and we are learning a lot. I feel like we are getting better with every shoot and it is so exciting. I still hope that one day we can do photography full time but for now my family is my first responsibility and I just can't justify the risks involved with stepping out like that. I have faith that God will care for us but I don't believe that is what He wants us to do so I am just trying to take it one day at a time.

Obviously my 365 days ran out and I did not reach 36 things. Despite that I plan to do it again. I enjoyed the challenge and it made me think about each day and each activity a little more. I am already like 2 months behind though so I had better start writing more often :D

I do want to start off with a list of things I would LIKE to do this year. Not really how it is SUPPOSED to go, but it's my blog and my rules right?

I would like to either buy a house or be really close to it....sounds far-fetched (especially if you know anything about my finances) but I have a plan, trust me :)
I would like to take Hannah to 6 flags this summer.
I would like to get my van running again. It is sitting at my dad's house sad and lonely right now.
I would like to start school.

Hardly 36 things but it is a good start, right?

Sorry I was gone for so long, hopefully I can update more often now :)
(I say that as if anyone is reading this)

No 'poo for you??

2011-01-24T17:54:00.000-08:00

I have a few days left to complete my 36 things and while I still don't think I can do it I figure I've come this far, why give up now? :D

One thing I have been doing for several months now is the "no shampoo movement" so I will count that as my number 20.

For those of you unfamiliar with what I'm talking about, it is a huge hippie movement running rampant on the Internet right now. The argument against shampoo is that it contains an ingredient called Sodium Lauryl Sulfate, they all have it, seriously, go check your shampoo now if you don't believe me. Unless you buy 20 dollar "organic" home made shampoo, it has this stuff in it. The problem with SLS is that the only reason it is there (according to every article I read) is to dry out your hair and scalp making you need conditioner. No coincidence that the same companies who make your shampoo also make your conditioner. It basically strips all of the natural moisture out of your hair and does a lot of damage in the process.

So, the idea is to basically stop using shampoo. Conditioner every now and then is fine, but shampoo is totally not needed. These "experts" say that your hair can get perfectly clean just by rinsing it well in the shower.

The thought of not using shampoo anymore (or no longer 'pooing) frightened me. I already have terrible hair, why would I want greasy, terrible hair. Brian, however, was all for it. He has really really bad dry scalp and he thought this was the solution. So, Brian stopped 'pooing.

I'm not going to lie, the first few weeks were rough, I begged him to wash his hair but he stuck with it. The articles all say there is a "detox" period where it gets worse before it gets better. I was doubtful, but I was wrong. After a few weeks a natural shine and softness came back to his beautiful head and I was convinced. I stopped 'pooing too.

It was rough. Very rough. But I knew there was a light at the end of the tunnel, so I persisted. I started before Thanksgiving, and I'm tellin ya, I felt nasty going to family dinners with my hair like that. No one ever said anything but everyone had to notice.

I was hopeful but after 2 months, I gave up. This morning I 'pooed again and I'm telling you it feels soooo good. I don't care if this silky smooth awesomeness is unnatural, it is WORTH it!!!

Maybe it works better for guys, since Brian's hair is great and he is still totally happy with it, but I just couldn't take it anymore. Guess I wasn't cut out to be a hippie after all but at least I have shiny hair again!!

So, only 15 things left to do in the next week! :D

If you enjoyed, please comment! I love feedback :) and if you haven't already, follow me, I'd love to read your blog too!

Closer to 36

2011-01-09T19:27:00.000-08:00

So I have less than a month to finish my 36 things. I'd be lying if I said I think I can do it, but we'll knock out a few things tonight:

17: Be kicked out of our house. Not one I'm proud of. We weren't technically evicted, we were just kindly asked to leave. As most of you know Brian lost his job back in August and his unemployment checks were less than half of what he had been making. We got behind in nearly every bill we had, especially rent, and 3 days after he got a job our landlord sent us a letter. So it was too late to "save" our house but we have been able to move in with my dad and catch up on almost every other bill we have already. Another month like this and we will be all caught up with some to spare.

18: Give up. Sounds negative, but it was actually a really good thing for me. Brian and I do a lot of volunteer work and while it can be rewarding it can also be overwhelming. With everything going on with the house I simply couldn't do it anymore and I just stopped. I stopped doing everything. And through doing that I realized what really matter to me. I love OCC, I love my youth and I love Kids 4 Christ. The rest, I can do without and I plan to.

19: Made a business plan. This one is still in the process of being completed but Brian and I are really close to deciding some very exciting final details for our photography business. 2010 was like a test run and now, after taking some time off, we are just about ready to get really serious about it.

So that gets me a little closer and hopefully in the next couple of weeks I can finish up. Who would have thought it would be so hard to do 36 meaningful things in a year?

Blessings

2010-12-30T19:56:00.000-08:00

Well, we are officially at my dad's. This is the 3rd night here and we finally have internet. Good thing too, I probably would have suffered from some kind of withdrawal or lack-of-internet-attack or something.

We are still super cleaning the old house as part of the deal. We haven't got the dog here yet either, but tomorrow is the day. For sure.

Tomorrow is also the last day of 2010. I wish the changing of the year actually meant something. I would love for everything to change magically because it's a new year, but sadly January 1st is just another day.

2010 has sucked, really. I can't remember many really good things that have happened and I have really sat down and thought about it. In 2010 I lost faith in a good bit of my church family, I lost my security (Brian's job) and I lost my home, to name a few. Most of those things have been in the past 6 months.

Thinking about those things I started thinking about "blessings". When something good happens we say "Oh I am so blessed!" Occasionally when something bad happens we will still say "Well, this happened but I still have ___ so I am blessed!" and even more rarely we say "Despite it all I have Jesus, therefore I am blessed." but I have NEVER NEVER heard someone say "I have been blessed with loss."

Maybe it is our generation, maybe it is our culture, but in our minds "blessings" and "stuff" are synonymous. We get a big fat check or a new car or a new home and we say "God has blessed me!" but where does the bible say "Live for me and I will give you stuff!" or "Be a Christian and I'll make sure you live a fluffy life!"

I'm pretty sure my bible says that being a Christian will be hard.

I've never read anywhere in my bible where it says that when we are being "good" He will give us treats. Yet that is the attitude I keep running into.

"Oh, well I have been going to church every Sunday for 3 years straight so God blessed me with a new car!" or "I teach Sunday school so God has blessed me with a new home!"

How about this? Straight from my heart...."I live for Jesus and he asks for more! I give as much of my free time as I can spare and He asks for the time I am putting elsewhere! I give until it hurts and he wants me to give the rest." You know why? Because I am blessed! He takes things away because when we are at the bottom, when we have nothing left at all, we run to Him. Even when we feel we are close to Him we can always be closer but sometimes it is not easy to know how to do that, well, He made a way for me, and what better blessing is there?

We are not puppies. We do not do tricks for God so that He can reward us, and often "blessings" are more like curses, even though we may not realize that.

Am I against "things"? No. I still like things, unfortunately, but I am suggesting we rethink our attitude on blessings. I truly believe God is more likely to bless us in ways that have nothing at all to do with anything that could pull us away from Him.

The greatest blessing I have received in a long time: I often get discouraged with our youth group. They are teenagers and teenagers will be teenagers. I think that says enough. I complain often to Brian that I don't feel like we are reaching any of them and everytime they make a bad decision I carry the weight for weeks. A few days before Christmas one of them texted me excited about a Christmas present she had received. It said something to the effect of "It's blue and beautiful and has my name on it! I have always wanted one! I love it!"

What was she talking about? An ipod? A new cell phone? Clothes? Jewelry? Other wonderful "blessings" like that??

No. She was talking about a bible. A 16 year old girl was ecstatic about receiving a bible for Christmas.

I cried. For awhile. Happy tears. Proud tears. Blessed tears.

As we go into this new year remember that just because you don't have things doesn't mean you aren't blessed and more importantly, just because you DO have things doesn't mean you ARE blessed. Jesus looks deeper than the things we own so we should look deeper than those things to find Him.

No more Christmas

2010-12-25T20:33:00.000-08:00

and then it's over.

months of shopping and planning and music, hours of cooking and wrapping and then, boom, it's over.

every year it surprises me more and more how quickly Christmas ends how disappointing it usually is. No one admits that of course, but I like to believe most everyone feels that way.

I think most of it can be blamed on expectations. We all have this thought, this idea, of what Christmas will be, and it never is. This year was a little closer here in northwest Georgia because it snowed. Yes, snow in Georgia, special occasion indeed.

It amused me to see how many people were more annoyed than happy. We aren't used to snow interfering with our plans and heaven's knows our cars/drivers are not equipped or prepared to drive in such weather. Everyone was so excited about snow on Christmas, since that's how it's supposed to be or whatever, and then everyone was mad because they either couldn't go anywhere or it was difficult and dangerous to do so. Which brings me back to my original point about expectations.

We wake up, I look cute in my matching p.js and somehow look marvelous in every early morning picture we take...the girls shriek with excitement at every single present and the presents seem to last for hours. We eat a delicious breakfast that we all make together without arguing over who has to do the dishes or how to scramble the eggs, we get dressed in our cute little outfits and we go see family....every one is happy and the conversation never ends...once again, presents seem to last forever AND I get a few things.....this continues for a few different family outings, while playing football in the snow with my cousins my daughters play with their new presents and my hair never falls out of place....we go home, drink hot chocolate and play with their toys together before going to bed with my hair still right where it should be.

That is my dream Christmas.

Oh, and there is snow but it doesn't affect driving, at all :)

Never happens that way though. Rather, I wake up grumpy looking like a mess, don't get time for a much needed shower, Hannah is content but not thrilled with anything, family get-togethers are rushed and chaotic, and I still look like crap. By the end of the day I am exhausted and ready to cry/sleep for years. Merry Christmas.

Oh I know, I know, Jesus is the reason for the season, but it's more. Even the people who claim it is not more, secretly know it is more.

How many people do you know who wake up, sing songs to Jesus and spend the day reading the bible? No presents, no family, no secular Christmas songs? I don't know any. Not that there is anything wrong with either way of doing it, I don't care what you do, you're not me, but when I am stressed out about Christmas, or like now, tired of Christmas, it annoys me to hear "remember the reason for the season!" from people who have a Christmas tree with presents sitting in their living room and a Mariah Carey Christmas album in their car. Be real.

Anyways, Christmas is over now, and ironically enough the reasons I am glad have a lot to do with my relationship with Jesus. It is easier to be close to him January-November. Boy isn't that a sad truth?

So tomorrow we will wake up and Christmas will only be a memory and some scattered pieces of ripped up wrapping paper I will continue to find for weeks. The kid's toys will get old, I will forget to write thank-you notes and life will go on until next year.

Merry Christmas everyone! And happy New Year! (in case I don't see ya before then)

Christmas spirit

2010-12-05T16:44:00.000-08:00

I went to walmart tonight to trade in a "pair" of shoes. I put quotation marks around the word pair because it was actually two left shoes :P

While I was standing in line in customer service I noticed the boxes for the "angel tree" presents.

I am not very familiar with the Angel Tree program, but from what I understand the first names, ages and "interests" of needy children are put on cards then those cards are put on Christmas trees. A person would pick a card, buy items for this child and then leave the items in the designated "drop-off" location.

Tonight I was standing right next to said location. I looked over and there were two huge boxes, one of them packed full of toys. It really warmed my heart to see so many people who reached out and made a difference for these families.

Now that I am a parent I understand how it feels to face a Christmas without presents. You don't mind for yourself but it really feels terrible for your children. Luckily for us things worked out and we will be able to get some things for the girls, but it isn't always that way.

I'll admit I have been skeptical about programs like this in the past. Thinking "There are homeless people on the street, and we are worried about kids not having new toys. Geez." Sounds mean I know, but that's what I thought. I didn't think it was THAT important to give kids presents on a holiday that shouldn't be about presents anyways, but that has changed.

I don't know all of the reasons God has put my family through the things we are going through, but it has changed the way I think about a lot of things and that has to be some of it.

I've not been looking forward to Christmas. I've not been feeling the "Christmas spirit" ever since we got the letter saying we had to leave our house. I've not been depressed, after the first few days I've not cried, but I've been....to quote Pink Floyd...comfortabl....you know, I don't have to finish that, you know, lol, but tonight standing there looking at that box overflowing with love for and from strangers, I felt it. I remembered that indeed, Christmas is not about the presents, for some people it is not about even about Jesus, but universally Christmas is about love. It's about being with family and friends, sharing what little bit we have with everyone else and embracing our neighbors.

Christmas spirit doesn't come from a store, but tonight that is where I found it. I pray that every person participating the the Angel Tree program is blessed 10x what they gave and that every family touched by that program is blessed the same. I encourage you to find a way to give that love sometime this Christmas season, you never know how it will affect someone.

“Maybe Christmas,” he thought, “doesn’t come from a store. Maybe Christmas … perhaps … means a little bit more!” -Dr. Suess (How the Grinch Stole Christmas)

20 dollars, pack of gum...and more rambling.

2010-11-29T18:53:00.000-08:00

Do you know what it's like to not be able to buy a pack of gum?

I don't mean you think "Eh, I shouldn't spend the extra money"....I mean you literally do not HAVE 97 cents to your name so if you DID want a pack of gum it would not be an option.

Since when did a pack of gum become a luxury?

Some one's facebook status really set me off the other day. It was someone ranting about someone they knew who apparently "complained" that they couldn't pay the bills. (and shame on them!! everyone else can complain about the weather, and their kids being whiny and their cars being more than 5 years old, but to complain about not being able to pay bills?!?!?! how ridiculous...). This person was upset because they saw this complainy person in a fast food drive-thru line. I believe the status was something to the effect of "If you can't pay your bills you shouldn't be buying fast food!!"

Now, my first thought was "Right...you shouldn't." but then I started reading the comments. By the time I finished I was so angry I could have thrown my computer. Person after person typing in all caps (so that we knew how angry they were) about how irresponsible and selfish it was to spend money on other things when you're too broke to pay your bills..and I was left thinking "why is it any of your business??"

I mean honestly, is it not possible that this person had a gift card, was buying for someone else or crap, maybe they wanted a hamburger!!!! How many people REALLY know what it feels like to pay nothing but bills (NOTHING but bills) month after month after month after month, only to still be behind. To put every dime into bills and still get power shut off, still lose your home and not have enough gas to drive your kids to school anyways. How many of those people commenting know what it feels like to ask your mom for 5 dollars so you can buy toilet paper? How many of those people know what it's like to not be able to buy a pack of gum?

Now don't read this, walk away and say "Oh Michelle thinks it's ok to throw your money away and spend it on fast food instead of bills!" because that's not true. I'm all about being careful with money, eating at home, etc....but I am NOT ok with people who (and this is MOST people) see someone hurting and start picking at why they should NOT help.

"Oh I would help her with her power bill, but she was at subway earlier! She should spend her money more carefully." or "Oh I would help him but you know he will just spend the money on cigarettes!" or how about this one "Oh I would help, but I need to buy the kids more Christmas presents."

I'm going to wander off for a moment but be patient, I promise it will come back around.

About February of this year I met a guy who was living in an uninsulated shed behind a friends house. He had a few covers but it wasn't doing the trick. We helped him as much as we could in the next few weeks but it wasn't much. One night he called us (one of the coldest nights of the year) asking if we could help him get a room for the night. He had been sick (which we could hear in his voice) and he just really wanted a warm place to rest. We had 5 dollars to our name and it was 24 to get a room. We posted on facebook, we called half the people in our phone book and would you believe 5 hours later we had to call that man back and tell him we couldn't find the money.

20 dollars.

What have you spent 20 dollars on this week?

You would be amazed how many people asked me "Is he on drugs?" "Doesn't he have family?" "A shed is better than a sidewalk." "Why doesn't he have a job?"

excuses....excuses...excuses.

We look for every reason possible to NOT help people.

There are few things worse than being at the mercy of other people. I know that now.

WHY as humans do we look at others in need and NOT find every excuse we can to help them?

We have a "my family first, everyone else second" attitude. That attitude is celebrated. But I am saying it is WRONG.

It is our responsibility to take care of others and then let God take care of us.

Is it easy? Not always. but it's easier than people make it seem.

Seriously, do you know what it's like to not be able to buy a pack of gum?

Thanksgiving

2010-11-26T16:59:00.000-08:00

So, I wrote that last post pretty quickly. I jut read it and I would like to apologize. That has to be the worst post I have ever written. Lol. But it got the point across, so hopefully you guys can forgive me :)

Yesterday was Thanksgiving and it was definitely a good one!

We went to Brian's grandparents and there was more food than I could handle! By the time I got halfway through my plate was already packed! I couldn't even think about going back for seconds. Brian's grandma was hurting though. She has arthritis and you could tell all of the standing was really taking a toll on her. We took a pie this year but we are going to offer to bring more next year, or maybe go down early and help her.

After that we went to my grandparent's house. It was so nice to see my family. My grandparents have recently started going to church (though my grandma has went on and off for years and was saved long time ago) and now almost all of my family is saved. It's so great sitting down and hearing my grandpa pray before we eat. I have noticed a difference in my family too. For the first time that I can remember no one (except my dad because he had to) left right after they ate. Everyone stuck around playing in the yard and watching TV together. I spent time with my aunt Dani (pronounced Dana) and everyone enjoyed playing with my babies :) Time with family really does wonders for the soul.

We went to my mom's after that for her dinner :) It was just us and my brother mom and step-dad, but I loved it. It means a lot for my girl's to grow up going to mawmaw's for Thanksgiving and Christmas. and my mom really surprised me, the food was awesome!!

Having such a great day yesterday made a difference for today too! I have been in a great mood! We have been playing Christmas music and cleaning and dancing all day :) We cleaned the dining room, rearranged and decorated. Brian is going to try to get the outside lights up tomorrow and the inside is all ready except for the tree. We get a real tree every year and if we put it up this early it would be a fire hazard by Christmas :P We may put it up next weekend but we will probably wait until the weekend after.

I haven't been doing FLYlady since we were doing OCC all week but I plan to start back tomorrow. The next thing I have to do is put post-it notes on the sink to remind me to keep it shiny and another on the mirror to remind me to get dressed as soon as I get out of bed. Baby steps, right :)

I have been doing some of my own stuff too. Monday is my day to super clean the kitchen. I did the living room Tuesday and the dinning room today :)

I made a chore chart for Hannah Wednesday as part of my effort to keep her from being like me when she has her own house. I want her to understand why it is important to keep a clean house and know how to do it. So her chore chart has 4 weeks on it (Mon-Fri) and every day she has to pick up her toys, make her bed and do "extra chores" (basically whatever I ask of her that day. Helping me with laundry, dishes, etc..). Every day that she does all of her chores she gets a sticker and 1 dollar in her bank. Every Saturday she will have the opportunity to spend her money. For every chore she doesn't do she puts a bead in the "bad" jar (we made "good" and "bad" jars several months back and they work very well) and when all of her beads are in the "bad" jar (for whatever reason) she gets a dollar taken away. In 4 weeks we will look at what has and hasn't worked with the chore chart, reconsider and make a new chart :)

We have a pretty busy weekend but I feel ready since I have had such a nice day at home. I just hope I keep my good mood

1180

2010-11-23T13:09:00.000-08:00

Ok, I'm too lazy to check and see but I THINK this is number 15 or something like that....I'll look later for my own records :P

Operation Christmas Child :)

One of the most rewarding things I have done in awhile (second only to being a wife mother and youth leader). Last year some friends of ours ran a relay center from our church (and if I'm not mistaken they did it the year before last as well). Those friends changed churches this past spring but I hated to see the relay center go so I stepped up to take it over. Meet Ms. Relay Center Coordinator :)

Here's some background info for those of you unfamiliar with Operation Christmas Child (OCC) :
Billy Graham is really big stuff to Christians...he has a son name Franklin who started a ministry called Samaritan's Purse over 40 years ago. SP provides many services to many countries around the world (long story short) and you can read more about it at http://www.samaritanspurse.org/index.php/Who_We_Are/About_Us/

So SP started OCC. OCC is basically where people around the developed world pack shoe boxes with simple gifts such as clothes, toys and hygiene items for kids living in poverty all through the world. To date OCC has delivered to over 130 countries and to 73 million something kids!! Pretty awesome right??

Well, the way it works....you take a shoebox (however many you want) and you pack it. Then you take it to your church (if your church is participating, if not we will get to that in a second) then someone from you church takes all of the boxes from different families to a relay center (that's what I run) who takes all of THOSE boxes from area churches and puts them in crates and takes them to a collection center, who takes all of the boxes from area relay centers to a processing center (there are only 4 in the country) where volunteers go through the boxes to make sure everything is ok, gets the boxes ready for shipping and collects the money for shipping that people put in the boxes (7 dollars/box) and from there the shoe boxes are distributed all over the world!

p.s if you don't have a church that participates, you can take your box right to the relay center.

OK...now that all of that is out of the way....I started calling churches back in August. 3 or 4 churches a day, almost every day, to remind them that it was time to get started! It got pretty exhausting honestly, trying to keep up with who I had and had not talked to on top of dealing with my every day stuff. Next year I definitely have to do something differently.

I did that for about 2 months (though I took about a week off at a time) and I am fairly confident I at least left a message at every church within 20 miles of LaFayette lol.

I started planning a regional packing party in October. My idea was for many churches to come together for one really big event. We had a speaker and music lined up and I spent every afternoon for about 2 weeks knocking on doors, handing out fliers and, once again, calling churches. When the day finally came, we only had about 15 people, all but one from my church, but it was still a beautiful experience and we packed 79 shoe boxes that day!!

After that I went to a training where I received everything I would need for the Relay Center. There wasn't much to do at that point except wait.

The collection week ran Monday to Monday so every night that week I had to be at the church to greet people, help them bring boxes in and fill out some paper work. We also had some snacks and drinks available for anyone who wanted anything.

I thought Monday was a busy night with 3 churches coming in, but I had no idea. Tuesday and Wednesday were both slow, not a single box and Wednesday and I was certain we wouldn't reach out goal of 900 (we had almost 800 last year) but then Thursday we got over 400 boxes in one night!! That took us up to a little more than 600 and was convinced we wouldn't reach the 900 mark. I told Brian I would be happy with 800, I just hoped we could reach that.

Friday saw very few and Saturday we only had one, come Sunday morning we had still not reached 800.

We were at the church from 9am to 9pm Sunday. It was a long day to say the least, but we stayed pretty busy and at the end of the day we had over 800! We were not to 900 but I was thrilled we had at least gone farther then we did last year.

I didn't expect much for Monday since we had short hours. we were open 9 to 11 and then we had to take the boxes to the collection center. We had one group show up at 9 but then nothing
until 11. At 11 it was like the flood gates opened! Car after car was pouring in! I couldn't keep up with all of it! In 30 minutes we received almost 300 shoe boxes!! It was really amazing to see all of those people bringing those wonderful gifts in at once.

We were running behind getting the boxes to the processing center but with some help we got them down there and our final count was 1030!

We took the boxes to the CC and the lady told us that we were the only RC in the area to go up, all of the others had less than the year before.

Seeing all of that hard work being loaded into the back of a roadway trailer was bittersweet. On one hand I was glad for all of the work to be done. I was looking forward to not having to spend 98% of my time thinking about shoe boxes, but on the other hand, I had poured so much into getting it done I had formed a...well, a bond with the "job" and I wasn't entirely ready to give it up.

Of course I haven't given it up. I plan to do it again next year, and it is a year-round position in some ways. and I still have to go clean the foyer in the church (about to leave to do that now) but for now my part is finished. All I can do now is pray for all of those boxes and of the children receiving them and know that 1180 (more boxes came in later that I have to take to Atlanta in 2 weeks) lives will be touched, 1180 children will smile on Christmas morning, and I was a very big part of it.

Amazing doesn't begin to describe the way that feels.

2010-11-09T08:53:00.001-08:00

Ok so I figured out that starting FLYlady was number my lucky number 13.

So far so good? I guess? I wasn't home all day Saturday so I didn't do it that day which means I am on day 3.

Day one (which is my number 14....yea I am counting every day. hahah maybe it's cheating, but it's my blog, so whatever lol) I had to shine my sink. It took like 3 hours total (had to let each sink soak for an hour, separately so that itself took 2 hours, then there was the other stuff) but at the end I was pretty pleased. The idea is that if your sink is shiny you don't start your day off on a bad note. So I did it, even though I was a bit skeptical I could see how it could be a good thing.

The second day, my number 15 (lol) I wasn't so sure about. My "challenge" was to get dressed, basically, to clean. To fix my hair and face (which I do nothing to, really) and to put my shoes on and clean. I guess I can see how this is helpful too. I feel more motivated and ready to do more when I am dressed in regular clothes and it's easy to stay in your p.js all day when you don't have anywhere to go, which happens often, but I figured that out years ago, and honestly that challenge didn't get any of my house clean lol. But I brushed it off and moved on.

Now today, day 3, seems very very silly, and it's hard for me to not give up and say nevermind and go back to doing it my way, which wasn't working. Day 3 was to......do what we have already done. Seriously. Keep my sink shiny and get dressed.

It's all about forming habits, and the website does call it "baby steps" but I guess I was expecting a little more. I'm sticking it out because at the end of the day I guess it does make a difference. I have a shiny sink and I feel better about myself because I am not still in my pajamas lol, and the more I do it the more habit forming it will be...blah blah. I'm trying...lol

still working toward 36....

2010-11-05T10:33:00.000-07:00

I am starting FLYlady....that's my next thing. Not sure what number it is, I forgot to check before I started.

FLYlady is this....program(?)....for lack of a better word, for cleaning your house. Getting it clean and keeping it clean. Basically it gives you steps to take to help you form good habits so that you can more easily keep your house clean.

Sounds kind of silly I guess, seeing as how I am a stay at home mom, most people expect that I should be able to keep the house pretty dang clean, but the problem really is that I never learned how to do that. My parents never taught me how to clean or how to keep my room clean or anything like that. I never learned those habits, and then to make matters worse I got pregnant at 17 and was thrown into parenting before I ever got the hang of managing a house. So all of a sudden I had a house, a child and a relationship to keep up and....well the house got put n the bottom of the list.

I never recovered from that. So that's what I am trying to do now.

The first step was to shine my sink. I'm not sure why, but its what it said to do, so I did it. And while I am not sure how it is really beneficial toward my entire house, I'll admit having a shiny sink is nice :)

I don't know what tomorrow's challenge will be, I resisted the urge to look ahead, so I will find out tomorrow, but hopefully this will be a positive step for my family :)

When it rains it pours

2010-11-02T06:52:00.000-07:00

We are behind on rent. Brian got his unemployment check yesterday and we were going to pay on the rent today. I woke up on time, I was happy skippy and in a good mood. Hannah was going to be on time,I started a load of laundry before we left because I was going to be productive today!

Then we left the house.

The gauges on the van messed up the other day so the gas gauge is off. We were about 2 minutes from Hannah's school, we had almost 15 minutes to spare. Life was good. Then the van started jumping. Brian looked down at the gas hand (since we were obviously running out and that is habit) and he saw that not only were we running out of gas, the van was also overheating. So we pulled to the side of the road. He gets out, makes sure everything is ok or whatever, puts some water in something, I don't know, but while he is out the battery dies because of the flashers.....

So we are sitting on the side of the road with a dead battery, no gas and an over heating van and my first thought is "REALLY God?? Seriously?? Today was supposed to be GOOD! Today was my day!"

We got home with help from my parents, and my first instinct was to crawl in bed and say "Well, I tried right?" To sink back into the depression that controls my life most every day anyways, just give it another 24 hours of my life and say "Forget it."

But today is different. I have more fight left after all, and I refuse to let the world take this beautiful day that God has made for me and turn it into another day full of sadness and hopeless feelings. Not today. Most days I am just too tired to fight it, but for whatever reason, the energy that I had focused on my laundry I am refocusing on God. With everything I have today I am going to praise and glorify Him.

I don't know why He let my car break down, I don't know why He hasn't given Brian a job yet, I don't know why He allows me to suffer with depression, but I know the fight I have in me today is from Him, because without Him I have nothing, and I am going to use it for His good, even if I have to remind myself of that every 5 minutes.

They say when it rains it pours. From everything I have seen that is true, but it goes both ways. If Satan wants to pour bad things on my head I am going to turn around and pour praise for God back on his, and I know that in return God will pour blessings on mine.

I am giving it back to Him, as we all have to do so many times in our lives.

Today is different.

2010-10-28T19:15:00.001-07:00

“Anger is only a natural reaction; one of the mind's ways of reacting to things that it perceives to be wrong. While anger can sometimes lead people to do shocking things,it can also be an instinct to show people that something isn't right.”

This struck me as I read it today because something is oh so very very wrong in my life right now. I am filled with anger. Anger toward most everyone and and everything. I feel like I am in a good places with God, so my anger confuses me.

I have been told that if I am close to God, reading my bible and really trying to work on that relationship, I will have a peace. I do have peace....the normal Christian everything-will-work-out kind of peace. But I am angry. Very angry.

I don't walk around punching walls, I spend 95% of the day smiling and happy, but underneath it all, ready to pounce like a lion is Mrs. Angry Michelle.

The smallest thing set me off. I read someone's status on facebook, not about me, not about anything at all really and I am ready to scream. The baby cries for more than 10 minutes and I need to put her down and walk away. Brian takes longer than 2 minutes to do something I ask him to do and I am ready to fight.....let's not even talk about how I feel when he says no.....

Where does all of this anger come from??

btw....rhetorical question, please do not try to tell me where you think my anger comes from because there is a good chance I will tell you off via comment.

I think it's from holding it in, honestly. I have never been one to hold onto my anger and try to get over it, and you know what? In my experience, IT DOESN'T WORK!!!

But when I was saved everyone started telling me "You can't say that." "You can't do that." "That's not right." Says who?? You? Who are you??

I am sick and freakin tired of trying to live my life for YOU!!!! I am supposed to be living my life for Jesus!! and you know what? Jesus offended people from time to time!! and you know what else? I CAN'T BE JESUS!!!!

Jesus was perfect, and I am not. And if I focus every bit of energy I have into being Jesus I will EXHAUST myself....I HAVE exhausted myself!! I can't do it!

Am I saying go out and shoot people and cuss everyone out if they look at you funny? No. There are certain behaviors that are not acceptable. There are some things that I want to do when I am angry and I simply should not.

But why are we living in this "your fine, I'm fine" fairy-tale world? You mad? Say it! Sad? That's ok too! Happy? Good for you, now go away, this is for people who are being REAL!!

People have emotions...that is how we are created and it does not make someone a "bad" Christian because they get mad, or sad, or depressed or anything else.

And those of you are really and truly are happy all the time. Good for you, now stop rubbing it in our faces. Not everyone has your peppiness and telling people "You just have to be happy!" doesn't fly! It's not that easy for some of us.

Choices, choices, choices

2010-10-08T21:06:00.001-07:00

Sometimes we are faced with decisions that are obvious. To drink or not drink, an easy one for me. To go to the club or stay at home, no sweat. But sometimes the right thing to do is not so black and white. How do we handle those situations? Even in the aftermath, I am still not sure what I should have done.

Obviously this is not an entirely hypothetical situation I am talking about. I was recently faced with a choice. Someone confided in me. It was very personal, and in ways I felt like it should remain between us, in other ways I felt like it should be shared with someone else involved. That is about as deep as I can go, except to say I did not share it, and the other person found out.

However, despite the terrible consequences coming with that decision, I am still not sure what the appropriate action would have been. Had I told them to begin with I would have lost the secret-holders trust, something I worked very hard to gain, and yet in the end, I lost the other party's trust.

How can one stay out of situations like this? Should I stop people and say "No, no secrets."? People need someone to talk to right? I am very good at keeping secrets, but where is the line? Obviously, if someone could get hurt I would need to say something. If someone has already been hurt, something needs to be said. But like I said before, it is not always that black and white.

And now I am left with my thoughts. Not knowing what my next step should be, or how to attempt to make it right....or whether or not I should bother.

I am easily discouraged. I have always had doubts in myself and my abilities, so when I screw up, which I obviously have, I go way down. As much as I fight it, my mind goes from "I screwed up." to "I'm a screw-up.". From "I need to learn from this.", to "Will I ever learn?" All of my mistakes from the past come back and suddenly I feel unqualified to scrub a toilet, much less be a wife, mother, leader and friend.

I am an in-charge person. I don't do well waiting. Right now my brain is saying "fix it, fix it, fix it!!" though I know only time can do that.

I will pray for guidance, and clarification, since both choices had positive and negative aspects, and hopefully in the future I will be able to choose a bit more wisely.

In the meantime, I will try to get some sleep.....tomorrow is a new day

Catching up, or falling behind

2010-10-06T08:33:00.000-07:00

I can't believe I haven't posted in 5 months. I have been so busy. Let's see how many things we can knock out here in one post.

I've started volunteering at a local ministry called Kids 4 Christ. K4C provides bible lessons aimed for under privileged children in our area from the ages of 3 to 8th grade, though there are some above 8th graders that can't really be sent away. That is what I have been doing, helping teach in the teen classroom. It's right up my alley really, teenagers. It has been a lot different than teaching the youth group, but I still really enjoy it.

I have taken over as Relay Center Coordinator for Operation Christmas Child at my church. I actually did this at the beginning of the year, but it is just now really kicking into high gear, and man I didn't know what I was getting myself into at all. I feel so overwhelmed by all of it. The guy who did it last year worked a full time job AND went to school. I have no idea how he managed it. I can't even name all of the things I have to do with that.

Let's see, Hannah has started pre-school, and I am striving to be that woman I always wanted to be.....and failing miserably. I know it is possible because the school is filled with them. I am even friends with some of them. You know who I am talking about....the mom who is bright, cheery and shiny at 7 o' clock in the morning, brings cupcakes to school for her child's birthday, volunteers every afternoon, and all of the teachers know her by name and ask how her husband is doing every time they see her. And then there is me.....Hannah has been late 8 times already (never more than 5 minutes, but it still counts) I forget her lunch at least once a week, struggle to find matching socks every morning and, I'll admit it, skip giving her a bath at least one night a week out of pure exhaustion.

I did volunteer a few times, and I think that counts toward my list. I enjoyed it, but with Brian home I really just prefer to spend my time with him. I know eventually he has to go back to work, financially speaking the sooner the better, and I want to get all the time I can with him now.

The youth group is a mess right now. Over the summer we lost most of the kids, and though the numbers are growing again, my motivation has mostly tapered off. I am feeling very discouraged because of how quickly the relationships I spent so much time on vanished into thin air. I feel like I am talking to a group of total strangers again. I know nothing about their lives and what they are going through, which makes it very difficult to make lessons. I'll be the first t o admit, I haven't been trying very hard. I used to do more, but I am in a bit of a funk with the whole thing right now, and I can't seem to motivate myself to work toward it.

Another thing I can add to the list, I have finally admitted that I am still dealing with depression. Working toward getting insurance now. That was a big step for me though. I liked pretending I was fine, just a little moody, but that is just not true. Hopefully soon, I can get some medicine.

Let's see, if my last post was number 7, now I am on number 12, after today. That helps.

Some other things I would like to accomplish before the end of the year....I have been trying to get into the habit of doing one craft with the girl's every day. We have only done about 2 since I said I wanted to do that so I can't count it yet, but I want to have that going before January 1st.

I would also like to get the baby sleeping in her crib. We started a new routine a few nights ago, but Brian went camping last night so both of the girls slept with me, so now we will have to start all over.

There is more but this is already long and we have places to go. Leave comments :)

Number 7

2010-05-19T06:33:00.000-07:00

So I really didn't think this 36 things in 365 days would be hard, but it is almost June and I only have 7 things done!!

Doing better than most people I started out with though. I believe only myself and one other remain :P

So, on to number 7.

I have always enjoyed photography. A few years ago I looked for some photography courses nearby I could take.

I ended up taking early childhood development courses for my job. Not a waste

When I re-met my husband (long story haha) he was also very into photography, and very good at editing. By this time, however, I had lost all of my creativity (so I thought)

I had a 2 year old, I was a single mom and I had gone through a terrible relationship in which any ounce of who I was before had been completely destroyed, or as it turns out, hidden.

I knew my husband wanted us to do photography together, but at this point the only pictures I took were of Hannah, and the most creative I got was black and white.

I let my husband have the creative part in our relationship, and happily sat back watching him go.

I knew he could take amazing pictures.....I knew I could take amazing pictures. But I was fine letting him do it all. He didn't even know I knew what I was doing with a camera.

Then, a year and a half into our marriage, some of our youth wanted Brian to take their prom pictures. Unfortunately, there was no time they were available that he was not at work.

So my sister and I (she was one of the ones getting her pictures taken) convinced the others to let me do it.

They were awesome.

I thought they were awesome, but when other people said they were awesome, I thought "There might be something to this."

I learned to edit the pictures that needed editing, thanks to my super awesome husband, and one night, while we were sitting in front of our computers editing pictures we began talking.

Out of that talk, Sipsy Photography was born.

So, my number 7 is photography AND surprise!!! My number 8 is running a business out of my home.

I am still learning all of the laws and procedures and yadayada but eventually we do plan on being a full-fledged photography business :)

Religion is a joke

2010-05-13T07:01:00.000-07:00

I saw this recently on some one's facebook page.

I didn't think much of it really. Just another person angry at an old lady who "judged" them at church one time.....I see it all the time.

But then I looked at their pictures. It was an old friend and I wanted to see how they were doing. Wow, did I find out what they thought about "religion".....one religion in particular.....I am sure you can guess.

There were several photos making fun of Christianity. I didn't get angry, because by now I am used to it, and I hate that, but it did give me the thought....."Why waste your time?"

I mean seriously, ok, you think the fact that some people have blind faith is hilarious. You think that anyone who believes in anything supernatural is an uneducated, hypocritical prick.....ok, ok.

let me mention, however, that ghost hunters are totally fine, right?? I mean, at least it's not a god!!

But what you believe, is none of my business. I could care less. Do my beliefs affect your life? I don't think so. I do not intentionally offend anyone.

But that is exactly what you are doing my openly making fun of I any religion.

That's the thing thing. You don't see people making fun of Buddhism, or Hinduism, or any other religion. No. It's Christianity.....why????

Oh, wait, I know why.....

Because Satan is REAL and he knows which God is real too.....

But I am not going to get on a rant about that. Because that is not what this is about. I know that if you are an atheist reading this, you don't believe in God and you don't believe in Satan. So let's keep this on an earthly level.

When you make fun of Christianity....or for the sake of this post, let's say I any religion, even though we know that's not going to happen.......a few of your friends might chuckle, your fellow atheist will probably think it's hilarious, but do you know what you look like to EVERYONE especially....especially those of us who are no longer in the 6th grade (yes, that includes atheist because some of them actually have respect, unlike you).....a jerk. You look like a bitter jerk.

It does not make you look smart and it does not make anyone respect you.

Why is it important to respect other religions? Because we have to live with each other!!

No matter where you think you are going or not going when you die, right now, we are all here. Why argue over crap like that??

I will tell you what I think and then I am done. If you have more questions, even critical ones, I am happy to answer them, but I am not going to make fun of what you believe, because I am not 7 years old.

Grow up and understand that hurting people's feelings, intentionally, is not cool and it doesn't make you appear intelligent, or enlightened. It just makes you look like a douche bag.

If more people read my blog I am sure I would get some angry comments like "Religion is the reason people are so hateful!" and "You are telling Atheists not to make fun of you, but you are making fun of them!"

for the record I am not making fun of atheists, I am making fun of pricks. This whole thing can go both ways

But if this were a long post about how Christians suck and "F*** their god" (yea....it's a freakin teeshirt) I would get nothing but praise.

What the crap????

Believe what you want, I'll do the same, and can we please try to act like adults about it???

kthanks

A grieving kinda day

2010-04-21T13:44:00.000-07:00

I found out today that a young girl (15) at our local high school overdosed on pills last night.

Several years back this same girl saw her mother's decapitated head after a car wreck they were in. I have no doubt that she has had some very serious issues because of this.

I met this girl once or twice through my younger sister who is also 15, but I did not know her well. Despite that I find myself grieving her loss. Not in the way that I am sure her family is. Not even in a close friends kind of way. More of in a I wish-I-would-have-known-her-maybe-I-could-have-done-something, kind of way.

Since I started working with teens, I feel like I have somehow failed when a teen makes a bad decision. Even if it is one I did not know.

I wish there was some kind of magic "speak to all teens everywhere" intercom I could use to bring a message to them all daily. Impossible of course.

My heart aches to know that there are teens everywhere struggling with alcohol or drug addiction. Teenagers, babies, who feel like their only escape is through drug or alcohol use.

I hate to see someone so young lose their life over something that she could have overcome.

It is Wednesday. That means that I have to prepare myself now, to deal with a youth group searching for answers. I have already had one of them call me, another IMed me. They blame themselves. What can I say to that?

My sister told me she wishes it could be yesterday so she could invite her over to her house, or to church, or anywhere but home to take those pills.

How do I respond?

It is times like this were I have to go straight to the source. I have to talk Jesus because only He knows what to tell these kids, and only He can heal the wounds for them.

Pray for me tonight. Pray for my "kids". Pray for the family of this poor little girl who forgot there was more to this world than high school, and never found out that there was healing in Christ Jesus. Look around at all you have and know you are blessed because even in times like this, it could always be worse.

Get outta here

2010-04-15T18:55:00.000-07:00

Well, as I posted earlier, I truly am "only" human. And sometimes that really sucks!

Yesterday Hubby found out they were having a plant wide meeting at work. He has been at his company for almost a year but they have a hiring freeze so he has been temp the whole time. Full time hours without full time pay or full time benefits. Fun. When he heard about this meeting he also heard rumors that they were going to give all of the temps that have been there for awhile a nice little raise. Of course we knew better than to get our hopes up, but it's hard not get a little excited, and as a woman I was already spending the money in my head of course.

No surprise the rumor was just that....a rumor. No, the meeting wasn't good news for the temps, quite the opposite really. We found out that their normal "busy season" is not busy at all. In fact now through the end of the year looks very slow. So slow in fact they will be making cuts. And you know who goes first don't you? The temps. AKA my hubby.

They expect all of the temps to be gone by the end of the year. SURPRISE! Now get back to work.

What does this mean for us? Well, we have 3 options. 1)He can find something now 2)He can wait and hope things get better and if not find something when he does get laid off or c)I can get a job.

Let's look at all three options.

A) I'll go ahead and say this is the more appealing of the three. His job isn't great anyways, so it's not going to be hard to step away. The problem, however, is that it is difficult to look for work, at work. And the job market is pretty crummy, so finding another job will not be easy. He has his high school diploma, but nothing more and we don't have the time or money for him to go to school right now. He wants to do web design, but we will talk more about that in a bit.

B) Is pretty dumb really. It is easier (for now) but the chances of things"getting better" at his work are slim to none and if he did this that would leave him unemployed, at least for awhile and with him being the only one working that would be very bad. Which brings us to....

C) I am not going to defend myself on my own blog. Our choice for me to be a stay at home mom is controversial, especially at times like this. But our decision has not changed. I will not be looking for employment. Does this make me lazy or selfish? Absolutely not. Do I think mothers who do work outside of the home are somehow less "motherly" than me? Crap no. Is this decision any one's decision to make other than mine and my husband's? No, it is not. No one else understands our family, our families needs and our unique situation. I won't judge your family, you don't judge mine, k? :)

It must be obvious by now that we have decided to go with option A. Hubby is looking for a job.

At this very moment he is working on a website for a local restaurant. He has to take some sample pages to said restaurant tomorrow for the owner to look at. If he likes it Hubby will be designing the website for them and for the first time in his history of web design, they will be paying him.

It isn't going to be huge. Barely enough to pay for the ink to print the pages off, much less pay the bills. But it is a start in the direction he wants to be going. Hubby is very talented in web design, this is the 5th (?) website he has designed for someone and he is very good at it. He wants to make a career of it, but getting started doing something like that is not easy. If this website is a hit then it could mean very big things for our family.

That's the dream. The dream doesn't pay the rent, not yet anyways. So until then he will be doing things the old fashioned way. He is going to a job fair in the morning. There is a pretty good chance he could get that job, which pays more and has benefits after 30 days. The hours are better and the work is easier and he never would have known about it if this situation hadn't occurred.

So after a long, difficult day and a lot of pouting I am beginning to see the silver lining, the light at the end of the tunnel, if you will. Let's just hope it's not a train, huh?

Super Chelle?

2010-04-15T07:44:00.000-07:00

Ok, ok, I know that complaining is not healthy. I know that misery loves company, and I really don't want to bring anyone down, but I have to get some stuff off my chest right now!!

Usually when I do this it helps me to remember the things I am thankful for anyways.

So here we go: As everyone knows I am a youth leader at my church. I love my "job" (I don't get a paycheck, that's why I put the quotes around job). I enjoy the kids. I know I am doing what God wants me to do and I wouldn't dream of quitting. However have you ever tried to do anything with teenagers? No one warned me, going into this, how much work it was really going to be. If you are considering working with teens, know this it is not something to go into lightly. Commitment is an understatement.

I spend 60% of my day working on lessons, planning events or working directly with the youth. I spend the other 40% thinking about the lessons, events and youth themselves. I have given more than my time, I have given my heart and soul. My entire being belongs to a group of 15 year olds (with a few pieces left over for two babies and the hubster).

Of course, what comes along with that every now and then, is hurt. I am an emotional person. When I love it is with everything I have and it makes me very vulnerable. Of course it my own fault, not the teens.

I am a victim of human-itis. Meaning, I am not perfect and I often forget that. I want to be able to get the best lessons every time, or the best events planned every time as well as have close relationships with everyone of them. What youth leader doesn't? I truly believe that I am only going through what every youth leader before me has already dealt with.

My prayer is that I remember that I can't do everything. I can't be perfect and it is a good thing. Also that I remember that anything I do for the Glory of God will be blessed, it has nothing to do with me and everything to do with Him. If only my emotions didn't interfere with my memory as well as my mood.

More Like Falling in Love

2010-04-13T08:08:00.000-07:00

I want to highlight my current favorite song right now. It is "More like falling in love" by Jason Gray

As most people know, I am a Christian and this is a Christian song.

"Give me rules I will break them. Show me lines, I will cross them."- I can really relate to this because I am the type of person who, when you tell me what to do something, will do the complete opposite. I remember when I was a kid I would plan on coming home from school and cleaning my room, then the second I would walk in my parents would say "go clean your room" so I wouldn't do it. If someone tells me to do something I am naturally rebellious to this day and I don't want to do it, just because I was told to.

"I need more than a truth to believe. I need a truth that moves and lives and breathes, to sweep me off my feet." -This is how I have always felt. This is exactly why I didn't believe in God for most of my life. I could see the things of this world so it was easy to believe. I couldn't just take some one's word for something and believe it was true, and that certainly couldn't make me passionate for it.

"It's gotta be more like falling in love than something to believe in." -I don't want something to believe in, I want a relationship! I don't want answers, I want a savior.

"More like I'm losing my heart, than giving my allegiance." -I don't need someone else to answer to, and what good would it do me to pledge my allegiance to someone I don't even care about? I will never want to obey if that is all it means.

"Caught up, called out, come take a look at me now. It's like I'm falling in love."- Luckily for me that is not what God is about. I am caught up in His love, I am called out of of this world and you can come see the proof for yourself! I look like I am in love with Jesus because I am!

"Give me words, I'll misuse them. Obligations, I'll misplace them"- I am not perfect. As a matter of fact, I screw most things up. I am no valuable asset to the most high God. I am nothing special at all.

"Cause all religion ever made of me was just a sinner with a stone tied to my feet. It never set me free."- It isn't about religion. It isn't about doctrine or denominations. All that religion ever did for me was give me rules and make me feel bad about myself.

"It's gotta be more like falling in love, than something to believe in." - I need more than religion, I need to be in love

"More like I'm losing my heart, than giving my allegiance"-I don't want to promise myself, I want to give everything I have.

"Caught up, called out, come take a look at me now. It's like I'm falling in love."-You can see a difference in me.

"Deeper and deeper."- God's love for me is so deep, I continue to fall more in love with Him every day.

"It was love that made me a believer."- It wasn't a sermon, it wasn't a speech, it wasn't a bump on the head. Nothing other than the love of Jesus convinced me of His existence.

"More than a name, a faith, a creed." -Jesus is more than a name. He is a living and loving savior! Christianity is more than a faith and something to agree to. You can believe and not have a relationship. I believe in George Washington, but I don't talk to him everyday. It is more! So much more!

"Falling in love with Jesus brought the change in me."- It wasn't going to church, it wasn't reading my bible, it wasn't having Christian friends. It was falling in love with my savior, who has always loved me, I do the rest because I love Him!

Not quite a soccer mom

2010-04-06T17:29:00.001-07:00

I may or may not have mentioned my biggest goal in life. The one thing I long to do, or, well, be. I want to be a soccer mom!

Ok, now by soccer mom I don't actually mean I want my kids to play soccer. If they want to great, but it's way more than that. I want to be a minivan driving, hamburger helper cooking, president of the PTA full-fledged soccer mom!

I want it all. The house in the subdivision (though a quiet neighborhood will certainly do), the minivan full of kids, the cute aprons, the happy husband, the busy schedules and the manicured nails....I WANT IT!!

And here is the good news: I am well on my way :) I just got home from tball practice with weelassie. Me and the moms talked about snacks and practice and making signs for the float in the parade and all of that stuff that soccer moms talk about!

Weelassie is also in ballet. And while there isn't as much for me to do there, it does add to the whole "soccer mom" feel. She starts Pre-k this fall and I plan on signing her up for cheerleading, and of course I'll be at every PTA meeting :)

Now, please don't get me wrong, if at any moment she doesn't enjoy all of it, she can quit. I am not about to force anything on her for my own "reward" that just wouldn't be "soccer mom-ish" at all. After all, the cardinal rule of "soccer mom-dom" is "The kids are always first".

Ok, I'll be honest, I have no idea what the soccer mom "rules" are, but that is what this soccer mom is all about!!

So yes, technically I am a ballet/tball mom, but that is close enough for me!! Now where is my apron??

formspring.me

2010-04-05T20:37:00.001-07:00

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/thechelle

Numero seis

2010-04-05T17:50:00.000-07:00

I haven't really been on top of the whole 36 things (even though I am the only person doing it out of the group that I started with, haha) so I figured I should probably get on it.

Number 6 is kinda laaammee, but oh well, it is meaningful to me. This past weekend I FINALLY ate at a "specialty" pizza place. You know, the local places with the catchy names for pizza like saucy stripper for a pizza with chicken strips?? Yea, so despite the fact that I love in nowheres-ville there are actually a lot of these little pizza places around. And yet, at 21 years of age, I have NEVER been to one. The only pizza places I have eaten are pizza hut, papa johns and little ceasers. Oh and mellow mushroom, which is kind of like that, but it's a chain so it doesn't really count for me.

SO, my friend Jessica (kinda) told me about this pizza place about 10 minutes from the hizzy (that's house in cool speak, and by the way I say kinda because she posted it on facebook, so she didn't really tell ME) so on Friday I thought I would check it out. Me and the hubby and the kiddos had our pictures made (which has its own blog coming up) and afterwards we stopped by.

Our pizza was an incredible combination of marina and alfredo sauces, 3 types of cheese I don't even remember now, pepperoni and grilled chicken. Doesn't sound like much, but it was absolute heaven.

I love small businesses like that I am so happy that I live in nowheres-ville where tons of them are right around every corner!!

Not much of a blog I guess, but it meant something to me, so 6 down 29 to go :)

Ah April Fools Day

2010-04-01T08:33:00.000-07:00

The only day of the year in which you can play cruel jokes on everyone from the teller at the bank to your grandma and SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE will think it is hilarious. Probably not grandma though, take my word for it.

We have all known since about the age of 4 that April 1st is a day of trickery and lies, yet every year we all have that friend who falls for everything time and time again. You can play a joke on them, tell them it's a joke, and then do it again! Oh how I love those friends :)

I probably get way too excited about April Fools day. I am that person who will try over and over again until I get everyone close to me. I will do everything short of faking my own death to be able to point and laugh at my loved ones. And now that I think about it, that would really be quite hilarious :P

Unfortunately I did not grow up in a trickster family. My dad appreciates a good prank but he is the least gullible of everyone in my family, and my mom just gets angry. My brother is by far the most gullible, but he is 13 and well, he hates everyone and everything right now so I just don't think it's a good idea.

Of course first thing this morning I got my facebook "friends" with a pregnancy status update. I even took it far enough that I could SWEAR it was the truth without actually lying. I took a pregnancy test this morning, negative of course, and then posted "I wonder if pregnancy tests know its April Fools Day because I am hoping this one is lying" teehee. Everyone then assumes I got a positive reading because who in their right mind would want a BFP (big fat positive) 5 months after having a baby.

I never claimed to be in my right mind though :)

I am still trying to think of what I am going to do to poor hubby. But he is not very gullible either, and fact is, I stink at pranks anyways, anyone who knows me well can see right through me.

Oh well, I try lol

On another note, today is my favorite cousins birthday. He is 28 or so (how terrible I don't know) and I have to wonder how many time his mother had to swear on her life that she REALLY HAD had the baby 20 something years ago to those "less gullible" family members.

Oh that reminds me....did you know the word "Gullible" isn't found in the dictionary?

formspring.me

2010-03-17T11:00:00.001-07:00

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/thechelle

formspring.me

2010-03-16T17:51:00.001-07:00

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/thechelle

My daily struggle

2010-03-10T10:03:00.000-08:00

For almost 4 years now I have been secretly dealing with something almost daily. I had thought about blogging about it before, but it is so personal I had decided not to. When I decided I definitely wanted to, because I feel like it is something covered up and hidden far too often, I thought about making a separate blog, since that is a bit more "professional" but truth is, I can barely manage this blog, much less two of them. So I will be talking about it here, on this blog, and everything else I want to talk about here, because it's my blog, and I'll do what I want!
think cartman, heehee

So....what is this mystery issue? It's post partum depression. Some of you already know it is something I was diagnosed with after I had weebaby, what many of you do not know, however, is that I suffered from ppd after having weelassie, who is 3 and 1/2. I was not diagnosed after I had her because I refused to believe I had ppd. I blamed my ex for not being supportive enough, I blamed our finances saying that I was just stressed over them, and mostly I blamed myself for not being strong enough to handle being a mother.

My ex ended up being my ex, I believe, because of ppd. I began to resent and even hate him. I am thankful for that because now I have hubby, but I do believe that if I had of sought after the help I needed there is a very big chance ex and I would still be together.

Ppd transitioned into very deep depression shortly after weelassie turned 2 and shortly after that ex and I split up. The depression only worsened until I was saved in october 2008. In February of 2009, however, I found out I was pregnant with weebaby. It was a miserable pregnancy, and after I had her I felt the same way I felt after I had weelassie. This time, however I went to the doctor, and I was put on antidepressants. It was no overnight miracle, but it made day to day life more bearable. That is, until my insurance ran out, then I couldn't afford it anymore. I weaned myself off of it, and I am still suffering, nearly 5 months later.

It is not what I imagined depression to be. I didn't sit around crying all day. My emotions were erratic. I would be happy, then less than 5 months later, so angry I could hardly control myself, then almost immediately completely broken.

Since I weaned myself off of my medicine I have seen many "good" days, and many "bad" days. I can always tell first thing in the morning which day this day will be. I can just tell by my outlook. There are days I do not want to speak to anyone, there are days I do not even want to hear myself think, I just want to disappear. Just not exist for 24 hours. There are other days I want to be around people and have fun. My favorite kind of days are the ones in which I want to spend time with my babies. The days I really enjoy them.

I think the most frustrating part is not the mood swings, it is not even the "bad" days, no, the worst part is the lack of control. I just can NOT make myself feel a certain way. I have no control whatsoever over my emotions and it kills me. I want to be in a good mood, I want to enjoy my children and appreciate my husband every day, but I just can't, which only makes me feel worse.

I feel guilty for the way I feel, I feel guilty for the things I do and even more for the things I don't do (housework, play with the kids, etc) on my bad days.

I feel stuck. Like this is the hand I have been dealt and there is nothing I can do to change it. I don't want my kids growing up with a mother like this. This is not who I want to be. But I feel like it is beyond me and I do not understand what I am supposed to do. We can't afford the medicine, we can't afford counseling, we can't afford for me to stay in this condition.

All I can do is pray. I believe that in God's time I will be healed of this disease. I am convinced that depression is a disease, and I do believe that it can kill people. I do not want to be one of those people.

I feel better, and worse at the same time after putting on this in words.

In some ways I didn't realize how serious it was until I started writing, in other ways I feel like others will read this and know how I feel. I do not believe I am alone. I believe that a lot of women are ashamed to admit their feelings and their thoughts. I know personally I am afraid it somehow makes me a "bad mother".

I can not completely describe my feelings, but now it is out there, I hope this encourages someone else to speak out about something they are going through.

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

2010-03-08T07:58:00.000-08:00

So this past weekend I went to Pigeon Forge with the ladies from my church. It was my first time ever really going and it was my 5th "thing" this year. When I was about 11 my Mamoo (slang for grandma) took me to Dollywood, which is technically in Pigeon Forge, but we stayed in Maggy Valley (not sure I am spelling that right, and too lazy to google it, so sorry) and the only thing we did there was go to Dollywood, so this was my first Pigeon Forge experience if you will.

It was nice though. I rode up with my bestie. I am not sure she even realizes she is my best friend, haha guess she does now....though I doubt she will read my blog, some best friend huh? haha jk. She came and got me at about 10 Friday morning, I almost teared up leaving my babies, but I managed to hold it together (Hubby told me he almost cried too lol). We stopped once for gas and once for eats, then headed to the cabin. It was nice, very cozy and it had a hot tub and a THEATA!!! I am saying that in a very dramatic voice while throwing my arms out in front of me then bringing my fist in toward me and looking down slowly...just thought you needed to know that We didn't watch any movies down there though. Should have, oh well.

The ladies who were already there were gone shopping so we took the tour and found our bed then went shopping with some of the other ladies who showed up after us. I managed to not spend a ton, which was awesome, but I did get a nice pair of shades, and the girls matching shirts :)

We had bible study and lasagna back at the cabin, what an amazing combination :)

Saturday we went to Gatlinburg, which I am counting as my 6th "thing" because I had never been there either. It was AWWEEESSSOOOMMEEE!!!!!!! I definitely get the hype now, i ♥ it! lol

We shopped all day and had some "Old Time" pics made, we actually had something HILARIOUS happen while we were there, but I can't share that, hahaha That is my 7th thing though because I have never had them done either.

Then we ate at the Hard Rock Cafe, which I have always wanted to do and I am counting as my 8th thing, but it sucked honestly. I was very disappointed. The food was crazy expensive, and not very good, and while the stuff everywhere was cool, it was so crowded you couldn't really walk around and look at any of it. Two thumbs
down

Back at the cabin we had spaghetti and bible study! YEA! haha then me and the bestie got in the hot tub! oh it was soooo nice!

Sunday we had a huge breakfast and came home :)

It was lovely to get away, and it was a much needed break, but Dorothy was right, there's no place like home!

365 anywhere?

2010-03-05T06:00:00.000-08:00

So urm, Michelle, what happened to 36 in 365?

I am so glad you asked!! As I posted before, I was waiting on my tax money to do number 5.....you got your tax money back last week Yes, I did, now stop interrupting....where did you come from anyways???

I got my tax money back last week, and I will go ahead and tell you, Brian and I had PLANNED on going skydiving....what I didn't plan on was God having different ideas.

I have not been in prayer enough lately. It is something I have been struggling with and working on a lot. Well, everytime I would mention skydiving in my prayers, I could clearly feel the Holy Spirit telling me NOT to go. I am not afraid of things like that, I have wanted to skydive for years, and there as not an ounce of fear in me.....unless I was praying. Then I felt scared, not of anything that would happen necassarily, just kind of....scared. I can't explain it but I know some of you know what I am talking about.

Well despite this clear and obvious warning I had decided we would go. I KNEW I was ignoring God and what He wanted from me, but I REALLY wanted to skydive!!!

Last night that changed.

I was praying, and without even mentioning skydiving it popped into my head and I got that scared feeling all over again. It was more clear than it ever has been that I SHOULD NOT do it. Just for good measure I suppose I had a dream that I did it, and died. Fat chance I know, but who am I to argue with God?

So....I am not going skydiving. And I am really not upset about it. I am a mommy now, and that is about as much thrill as I need. :)

so what are you going to do for number 5?

Seriously.....where did you come from??....For number 5 I am going to Pigeon Forge Tn with the ladies of my church! I am leaving in less than an hour, and I still haven't packed so I really need to speed this up, but that's me :)

I will not be on utnil Sunday afternoon (more likely evening considering what my Sundays are often like) and maybe I will have the time/energy to tell you all about it when I get back! If not I'll see you Monday for sure!

In the mean time please pray for my darling hubby bubby....he has both kids all weekend, by himself....teeheee (I have the feeling he will apperciate the things I do a little more when I get home)

Bumpin' Jesus in the trunk

2010-03-04T07:26:00.000-08:00

When I first heard of Christian rap I was an atheist, and I LOVED rap music. I listened out of curiosity, and it SUCKED! It was poorly recorded, very little talent to be found and, in my opinion then, had a ridiculous message.

Well in the past 8 years I am not the only person to be touched by Jesus. The Christian rap industry has exploded and man some of it is GOOD!! I have no doubt that if the same beats had secular words some of these songs would be on the top ten in our country. But instead these artists are hardly recognized at all.

Some churches, radio stations, and people in general are against Christian rap. They believe it's blasphemy. I can't see it. The words in these songs are often more powerful than ANYTHING I hear on Sunday morning, and my preacher often takes a dagger to the heart of congregation.

Often Christian rappers have lived a VERY difficult life. They are not out of touch with the things that are happening, especially to the youth. I wasn't crazy about Christian rap when I was first saved, and even when I first began working with youth, but things have definitely changed.

I knew that the kids (the youth at my church) enjoyed rap music, I knew that Christian rap was a good alternative to the CRAP they have pumped through their heads on the radio and TV, but I didn't think it would make much of a difference. I thought it was just entertainment. I was all for it because at least they weren't listening to garbage, but as far as a real worship service, I never would have looked to a rapper.

We had a lock-in a few weeks ago, and Brian and I asked a fairly local rapper that we knew to perform at it. The kids were "pumped" as they say (I think they still say that?). They handed out fliers at school, they invited ALL of their friends, who brought their friends and their friends. They were talking about it non-stop for about a month. Our little youth group of 15 kids on a good day, had a turn out of 44 teenagers!!

Before Jai (the rapper) performed we had a speaker. He had an awesome message on purity (our theme was Purity: From the Inside Out....we even turned all all of our clothes inside out) and afterwards he laid a cross down and all of the kids huddles around it and prayed. It was beautiful.

Well then Jai came out. I was very interested in seeing how it turned out because I remembered my pre-Jesus view on Christian rap and I knew that most of the kids there were not saved. He did an hour and a half long set and those kids LOVED it!! They were jumping around and going crazy! It was perfect, exactly what I had been praying for! And then something I didn't see coming happened....

Jai had brought a singer with him, and at the end he brought him back out. He started singing as Jai talked, slowly the group started huddling together. I saw that they all had their arms around each other, every one of them. Then they all started kneeling. 44 teenagers were on their knees praying. The music touched them! They were crying, some were praying out loud, and what was really amazing (if you know teenagers and their attention spans you will know why this was amazing) they stayed there, for about 15 minutes. When it was over they all stood, crying hugging each other. People who had not known each other 1 hour ago were now hugging each other and crying together. Several of them asked to talk to the chaperone's privately and since then several of them have either come back to church, or at least talked about it (which is a start).

The atmosphere was very different after that, for the rest of the night. God truly came down. He used that music to make an impact on some of their lives, one girl rededicated her life to Jesus right there that night. Christian rap changed her life, and who knows how many lives will be touched through her.

I never knew and I still do not understand how Christian rap can make such an impact on our youth, but I am not asking questions. It is obvious to me that Jesus is using rap music as a tool to reach His children and I am all for supporting that. :)

Make your kids do housework

2010-03-03T04:29:00.000-08:00

Seriously. As soon as your kids are old enough to pick up their toys, make them do it.

I am the product of "nice" parents. They never wanted to MAKE m do house work. Sure they would tell me to clean my room now and again, but when I didn't do it they would do it for me while I was gone. Guess what? I keep leaving, but my house is never clean when I return.

They never taught me how to KEEP things clean. Or how to really clean things. Sounds silly that someone would need to be taught how to do those things, but I have no idea and I am not a total dummy.

To this day I have a hard time motivating myself to clean. I put it off day after day, until I just can't stand it anymore. I forget about your less-than-obvious things, like the baseboards and windows. I stink at folding clothes, and can we please not talk about the dishes? Ugh, the dishes.

I know, however, that if I had have grown up doing chores and having a fair share of responsibility it would NOT be this hard for me.

SO! Make your kids help you, don't hurt them like my parents did.

money money money money

2010-03-01T08:54:00.000-08:00

MONEY!

ok so I am not a greedy person, I have been broke my entire life, not an exaggeration, we never had money and most of my life I thought that was what I would need to be happy and "like everyone else". After I was saved I changed my mind about that, and I consider myself blessed to have enough to pay the bills and nothing else. But I would be a liar if I told you I do not ENJOY having a little extra, and a lot extra, well, that's a field day!

In case you haven't guessed, we got our taxes back this weekend :D We put back what we needed for bills, and a bit to save, and then promptly blew the rest :) Brian and I each got new computers and I LOOOOVE mine. http://www.gateway.com/systems/product/529668315.php

For anyone to lazy to follow the link, it is a Gateway zx4800, a touch screen all in one :). Brian got a regular computer, aparently it has a lot of memory and a big hard drive and blah blah blah, I am sure it is an awesome computer, but mine is cool and cute! haha

We got a new baby monitor with a camera so we can watch her and I really really love it. It seems like it would be un nessacery but I slept so much better last ngiht being able to wake up, look at the screen next to me, and go back to sleep. I would get paranoid that she wasn't breathing and stuff before and I would wake her up trying to check on her. She slept in her bed, in her room for the first time all night last night :)

And a brand new double stroller!!! Woo!!! lol http://www.google.com/products/catalog?sourceid=ie7&q=graco+quattro+tour+duo+stroller&rls=com.microsoft:en-us:IE-SearchBox&oe=UTF-8&rlz=1I7ACGW_en&um=1&ie=UTF-8&cid=4375457763701325512&ei=9veLS7nDOsTL8QaPsMGSDw&sa=X&oi=product_catalog_result&ct=image&resnum=1&ved=0CCIQ8gIwAA#

I havn't got to use it yet but it is SOOO easy to open and close. I had originally planned to get another one, but when we got to the store it was so hard to open and close, it was very complicated, so I chose the one I got :)

What I am really excited about though is my new women's devotional bible. I realy hope it will help me to be in my bible every single day.

Nothing much to say today really, this is probably my most boring post yet, but oh well :) See you guys later!

The Christian Bubble

2010-02-26T07:31:00.000-08:00

I watched a video online about 2 months ago entitled "The Christian Bubble" it was "Satan" talking to the camera about how frustrated he is because Christian's live in a "bubble" now. We have Christian friends, Christian movies, Christian TV, Christian music, Christian clothes, you name, we have it! We do not need the "outside" world for much at all anymore and that makes it hard for him to get to us.

My thoughts were "Yea! Haha Satan! Beat you! I live in a bubble!" The more I thought about it, the happier I was with myself for surrounding myself with "Jesus" stuff. I was completely out of touch with the secular world and I loved that!

About a week later it seemed like my online "life" blew up in my face. All of a sudden everyone wanted to debate me on my beliefs and put down my way of living. I almost deleted my facebook out of frustration with it all. It went on for about 2 to 3 weeks, every day, all day. Then I met a man named Danny at a gas station. Danny was digging through a garbage can looking for lottery tickets that someone might have thrown away. Without thinking twice I approached him and asked if he needed anything. He told me he needed beer, because without about 4 beers he couldn't sleep. I didn't buy him beer, but I did buy him food and cigarettes and I gave him a bible and my phone number.

I couldn't stop thinking about him. Where was he sleeping? What was he doing for food? Was he cold? I received a call about a week later. Danny was trying to get a hotel room for a night because it was supposed to snow. We had 5 dollars to our name, but we called every person we could think of. Can you believe it took us calling every "christian" we knew before we found someone who would give us the 30 dollars it cost? We found a few before that, but no one was willing to go out of their way, just a little bit, to get us the money. It's easy to hand someone money, but actually going out of your way to do it? Apparently that is a bit much. I was angry. I was sad. I felt defeated and broken hearted for this man. Then we found the money and I cried.

What does this have to do with a Christian "bubble"? I was living in that bubble. I was happy in my comfortable warm place. I had no interest in outside things. Then God took a pin to my bubble. Why? Because it is dangerous for a Christian to be in that place! There is nothing wrong with Christian music, movies, clothes, etc...but when you lose touch of the secular world entirely how do you expect to make an impact in it?

Christians are not called to quietly live their lives under a rock. We are not meant to be stuck up our churches butt all the time. Serving in church is great, and necessary, but there is a big, big world we are meant to be changing!

We all say "The world would be such a better place if everyone lived their lives how the bible tells us to." How can we expect anyone "out there" to know how that is if we are not involved with "their world"?

Matthew 28:19 "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit" key word? GO!!

Sorry to burst your bubble. Actually, no I'm not :)

Monday ramblings

2010-02-22T06:26:00.000-08:00

I'm hurt. There, I said it. My "best friend" for the past million years has been ignoring me for over a week. I pretend I don't care, I listen to her excuses and say I understand, but I don't.

I am not into the whole "I've done this for you, you owe me that" blah blah crap. I don't think that is fair, or right. But how can someone throw away years of love and friendship. I have had her back through a LOT of crap, and I mean a LOT. I have never once turned my back on her, and in the blink of an eye, she is gone. So yes, that hurts. I am human, I feel love and I feel pain, and at this moment I feel both.

I am at a loss. What do I do? Continue chasing after her, tracking her down, forcing her to talk to me? Or just get my stuff from her house and be done with it? Ugh. The only thing to do at times like this is pray. Pray, pray, pray, and apparently cry, cry, cry.

On another note, we had a BEAUTIFUL weekend. We took the kids and the dog to the park on Saturday, then Sunday after church we took Hannah to the playground, and she had a GREAT time. It is supposed to get cold again this week, which stinks, but I enjoyed our little weekend preview of spring.

The youth lock in is this Friday (Hubs and I are youth leaders) and he just found out he may have to work Friday. Which means him being up from 6am to 6am, working, and dealing with youth. I imagine we will need to invest in some energy drinks that night ;)

We gave Catielynn (wee baby) her first bite of cereal on Friday. We waited the customary two days and she has had no adverse reactions, which means more today!! I don't think she liked it, but it is hard to tell with her. She is so happy all the time! She pretty much never cries, so I am not sure. She certainly wasn't thrilled though.

Still waiting on the fat government check so I can do number 5!!

Blog-a-holic

2010-02-20T20:46:00.000-08:00

That's what I want to be. Yes, I want to be addicted to blogging. I am that lame. But apparently it's not lame at all! I was looking at some sites today and realized there are a lot of bloggers out there! It is more than just a past-time, or a hobby, it is a lifestyle! Bloggers are cool, and always have witty things to say. Bloggers notice small, mundane parts of their day and are able to turn it into a hysterical, meaningful well-rounded story that entertains people they have never even met! I want that!!

So what stands in my way? Well, my lack of ability to write for one. I have decent grammar, but I am certainly no author. Next is my terrible sense of humor, I stink at thinking of clever things to say. I spend hours sometimes debating on my facebook status, and usually just go with a bible verse or song lyrics because I fail to think of anything. But I think the biggest thing that stands in my way is my lack of confidence in myself (so proven by this entire paragraph). I write things and think "That sounds dumb." when, in actuality, it probably sounds fine.

So, my 4th thing has been changed. Don't worry, I still plan to do the big thing I have been talking about all month, but that will have to be 5th. My 4th thing is a challenge to myself. I am not going to delete anything I post! Backspace and delete no longer exist to me (unless its spelling or grammar of course). I refuse to censor myself any longer.

This may not seem like much of a challenge, but my entire life I have been someone here, and someone else there, and someone entirely different over here. There are very few people I have ever been completely myself around, and even then it was sporadically. So, here we go! Wish me luck! I am challenging myself to be a blog-a-holic!

Lent

2010-02-17T06:27:00.000-08:00

I didn't grow up in a church. We went on Easter and Christmas, and that was fine with me, by the age of 10 I didn't believe in God anyways. I went to a church camp for about 5 years and, like the church we attended twice a year, it was Presbyterian. So I consider my upbringing to be Presbyterian, and because of that I did pick up on a lot of Presbyterian "traditions", if you will.

One of those was infant baptism. I was bothered that Baptists didn't do this, since I now consider myself to be a Baptist, until I read the scripture and now I agree with the Baptist belief regarding baptism. Another one of those things was Lent. Last year I was pregnant, sick all the time, and just didn't give it much thought (in case you don't know, Baptists do not recognize Lent) but this year was a different story.

I asked my husband, who grew up going to a Baptist church, why we do not celebrate Lent, and his response was basically "Don't know, don't care." Which was not enough for me. I looked up the reasoning behind it (thank you google) and found that during the reformation, Anabaptist's rejected all Holy days believing that the Catholic church made them up. We now know that they were wrong thanks to writings dated before the Roman Catholic church was founded. Despite that, the Baptists, and many other denominations, still do not celebrate Lent.

While I am a proud "card carrying" member of a Baptist church, I believe Lent is biblical, and I will be celebrating it this year, and every year here out. My husband does not feel it is necessary, and at least for now, he will not be.

Lent begins today, Ash Wednesday, and lasts 40 days, the same amount of time Jesus was in the desert being tempted. It will end the day before Easter, which is part of the reason we have Easter dinners.

Lent is also the reason behind "Fat Tuesday", it was meant to be one last feast before 40 days of fasting. Carnival, in Latin, actually means "goodbye to meat". Interesting stuff huh?

I am breastfeeding this year, so I will be giving up all drinks except water. Every year that I am not breastfeeding or pregnant, I plan to give up meat. I believe it is a good time to prepare spiritually for the most important holiday of the year, the day our king defeated death, rose from the grave, and went to prepare a place for us in Heaven.

Ah my mandolin :)

2010-02-15T06:44:00.000-08:00

I LOVE the mandolin! I love it! I played clarinet for 7 years and never felt for it the way I feel about my mandolin! All day, no matter what I am doing, all I can think about is when I will get to play again. I have only learned one song (Give Me Jesus) but Brian said that's a pretty hard song for a beginner and I am doing well, so I am quite proud. Chords fill my head all day, every time I hear a song, I think "I wonder if this can be played on the mandolin." Every time I sit down I pick it up, I am absolutely obsessed.

I am also a little frustrated because it turns out, no one knows what a mandolin is! How can you be 20 years old and have never heard of a mandolin? But that's a whole 'nother can of worms.

So as for my routine, it is going quite well. I actually got Brian to help clean this weekend because we were having company and that made a huge difference! So every room except my room and the babies room have been spot cleaned, and an it feels great. I have been doing very well at limiting myself to 1 hour online a day, and it's really made a difference. Now all I need is a new coffee pot and I'll be good to go all day!

I am about to make Hannah a chore chart with simple chores for each day like brushing her teeth, making her bed, putting her toys away, etc.. and I am going to get her to help me with household chores more often like helping me wash the plastic dishes and folding her own clothes. My mother never taught me to be responsible for my things, and I was never made to clean at all, so now I have a problem with it. I refuse to handicap my children in that way. She will get rewards for each day she completes all of her chores, and at the end of the week if she has done all of her chores she will get dessert before dinner! Now that's special!

Neither of the girls are feeling well this week, so I am not sure how it will go, but hopefully I will make more progress! We filed our taxes the other night and should have them back within the next week or two, then I can do number 4!!! It will probably be the best thing I do all year! So excited!

Till then, God bless!

Why am I so offensive?

2010-02-11T07:16:00.000-08:00

So this is totally off of the 365 challenge, I mean, nothing is happening there right now, so I'll come back to it later.

This is a little venty vent. I love facebook, most of the time, but lately it seems like everyone has one goal in mind (ok, not everyone, but a lot of people) piss off some Christians (the hubby hates that word, but lucky for me he doesn't read my blog). Every day for the past month or so, every time I log in there is SOMETHING about how "ridiculous" "closed minded" "hypocritical" or just plain terrible Christians are. How am I NOT suposed to take that as a personal attack? Everyone of my friends either knows I am a Christian, or isn't very observant at all, and I know that the people posting these things know that I am a Christian. If I were to post something as offensive as "Man I am sick of these Muslims blowing up buildings!!" I am pretty sure people would get pretty freaking angry over that and call me a list of terrible things over that. Yet someone posting "Christians are hypocritical closed-minded freaks" gets nothing but PRAISE and "Likes" until a Christian takes up for themselves, then they get attacked. I am sick of it!

The way I feel, if you don't agree with Christianity fine, that is your right. If you believe all Christians are the things I posted above, ok, but what is the point in intentionally hurting people? There are a million things you could put as your status, why would you pick something that you KNOW is going to hurt someone? Probably more than just one person. That is rude, immature, and unkind, and I don't see any reason for it.

I have always been a sensitive person, when I was a kid I cried every time I got in trouble (without anyone raising their voice) and I am still that way, I get my feelings hurt very very easily and I will admit that to anyone. I know that most people are not like that, so for awhile I rationalized that they didn't realize it would hurt anyone, but at this point, with all of the people that I have seen "defending" themselves, they have to realize it is hurting people. Maybe they enjoy the attention? I don't know. But I think it is mean spirited and pretty much pointless, and I REALLY wish people would stop.

That's all, have a great day!! :)

#2...and #3!!!

2010-02-08T06:50:00.000-08:00

Ok, so #1 (the routine) is going to take awhile, like, possibly all year, so I have no choice but to do more than one thing at a time, which is fine by me.

#2 was actually kind of an accident, but I think it definitely qualifies for this. I am.....drum roll please.....learning to play the mandolin! My husband has one, and the other day I picked it up and started messing around with it, learned a few chords and fell in love! I have played lots of instruments, but this is the first time I have ever felt this kind of an interest in one. So, that is my #2, which will also take awhile, like, the rest of my life, but I'm down for that! :)

Now, #3 I didn't set out to do for this project either, but when I decided to do it I knew I had to blog about it, so it counts too :) My friend Jeff Clay, who led me to Christ, is teaching a Sunday school class at his church, he called me and asked me to come share my testimony, which I agreed to without hesitation. Well I did that yesterday, and I loved it! It was the first time I have ever spoke in front of a group and it felt so right. God gave me a very powerful testimony and I believe he intended me to share it in the way I did yesterday. I have often wished I were a man so that I could be a preacher, but I believe He gave me a desire to work with youth for that very reason. I don't know what He has planned for me but I really really hope it involves public speaking, I can't get over the way I felt yesterday and I can't wait to see how God uses me!

I also can't wait till I get my taxes back so I can do number 4!!!! I already know what it will be and I am sooooooooo excited!!!!!

As for #1, we got off over the weekend but we are back on track now.

Ah here we go again

2010-02-04T07:32:00.000-08:00

Yesterday went pretty well. We got home a little late, but other than that I followed the routine, so yay, lol

Hannah is at my mom's today, so I am hoping I can get a lot done, but Brian gets off work early today and while that makes me happy, it also means it will be a lot harder to do anything. Maybe I can convince him to help me. We'll see.

I had a terrible dream this morning, and I can't seem to get it out of my head. Until I do it's going to be hard to focus on much of anything. I am not really sure why it even bothered me. It was fine until the very end. Me and several other people were sitting inside an apartment and I started to leave to take something somewhere and a bunch of cars pulled up down the street and TONS of people got out and I could just tell they were trouble, and so I sat down and we were watching through the window and a man and a woman headed toward our door, I tried to close it but you had to have a key to lock it. I knew the key was in my pocket but I couldn't get to it fast enough and the guy pushed his way it. He said something threatening but I don't remember what, then he started going through the computer and we just all sat there. Idk why it freaked me out so bad. Just something about people coming into my home freaks me out. When we first moved in I had nightmares about people breaking in all the time and it screwed up my whole day. I hope I can get over this one.

We have a pretty busy weekend planned. We are going to the movies with torey, cody, tori and emily tomorrow night, and then saturday we are taking the youth bowling, then sunday I am going to share my testimony with the sunday school class Jeff Clay is teaching. I am really looking forward to that.

Still trying to think about my next "thing" I know several things I wanna do, but none of them I can do now. I am sure I'll think of something though :)

Please keep the Morrison family in your prayers, and also the Scholtz family. Thanks :)

Now, to try again...

2010-02-03T06:50:00.000-08:00

OK, so yesterday was wonderful. I napped and cuddled and never even changed out of my p.js. We ordered pizza and just chilled, it was wonderful and I definitely feel recharged.

So today I am back to it. I have 8 more minutes on the computer (lol) then breakfast, cleaning, lunch, cleaning, dinner, church, bed. wish me luck!

oh, and Hannah just named her baby doll boohoo....I guess she knows a thing or two about babies by now :P

monday was a failure

2010-02-02T06:56:00.000-08:00

I stayed on the computer longer than I intended, the baby wouldn't let me put her down. I was gone from 3 to 6, BRIAN cooked dinner because I couldn't put the baby down....wow, I am just feeling so overwhelmed right now.

I am not even attempting to stick to it today. Ricky came and got Hannah last night, its a rainy day, and all I feel like doing is this, so, that's what I am going to do.

I am spending much of the day in prayer. Satan got the best of me this morning. I was reminded first thing that I still live in an evil world, and that as much as I try to avoid anything ungodly, sometimes it will come to me. and sometimes He will let Satan get to me, and no matter how that feels, I know it is for a reason.

I am getting tired. I feel like I am running an uphill race with my eyes closed, and I just opened them and realized I am nowhere near the finish line. So I am praying for endurance. That is all I can do, because without Him, I can do nothing.

So I am going to go clean as much as I can. Get through today, and then start the routine again tomorrow. or, well, try.

Number 1

2010-02-01T06:32:00.000-08:00

Ok, so, I have decided my first "thing" will be something that is challenging. Well, to me anyways. It comes easily for some people apparently, but I am NOT one of those people.

I am going to get myself and my family into a routine. Not a SCHEDULE because I have two small children and that would be setting myself up for a disaster, but a routine.

First I am going to try doing it on my own. There are lots of sites to help you do this (which makes me feel better because that tells me I'm not all alone) but I want to try what I believe will work for MY family.

I am also going to try to ease us into it rather than just jumping it. Makes sense to me, we'll see how it goes.

So, here is how it will look, this week.

Monday: Take Brian to work at 7, go back to sleep until 9, play on the computer until 10, eat breakfast then clean the house until lunch at 12, clean the house until 3:30 then get Hannah ready for ballet at 4:30, pick Brian up from work at 5:30, dinner, bath, bed by 9

Tuesday: Wake up at 8, play on the computer until 9, breakfast then clean the house until lunch at 12, clean the house until 5:30 when I start dinner, bath kids in bed by 8, me in bed by 9

Wednesday: Wake up at 8, computer to 9, breakfast, clean to lunch, clean to 5:30,eat, leave for church at 6, home by 9, bed.

Thursday: Wake at 8, computer to 9, breakfast, clean to lunch, clean to 5:30, eat, bath, kids in bed by 8, me in bed by 9

Our weekend starts on Friday, and its VERY hard to keep a schedule on the weekend, so for now I am going to try to stick to those days and then worry about the weekend.

Of course throughout the day I will also be taking care of the kids. snacks, diaper changes, entertainment, whatever they need. I am hoping that once I get the house more organized I can set aside a specific time of the day where all I do is sit down and play with them. I will also need a specific time for working on lessons. sooo...I still have a long way to go :P

36 things in 365

2010-01-27T20:13:00.000-08:00

Ok, so, I have never blogged before, so I'm not sure how it will go but I'm excited anyways.

My friend Nicole invited me to blog about 36 things in 365 days. So basically, the two of us and several other friends will blog about 36 different things in the next year.

The things can be difficult, new, inspiring, whatever, as long as they are meaningful.

I have a few ideas already and I am very excited about getting started, even though we really aren't supposed to start until Feb. 1st... :P

So here is to a year full of meaninful activities.....36 of them anyways :)