“Anger is only a natural reaction; one of the mind's ways of reacting to things that it perceives to be wrong. While anger can sometimes lead people to do shocking things,it can also be an instinct to show people that something isn't right.”
This struck me as I read it today because something is oh so very very wrong in my life right now. I am filled with anger. Anger toward most everyone and and everything. I feel like I am in a good places with God, so my anger confuses me.
I have been told that if I am close to God, reading my bible and really trying to work on that relationship, I will have a peace. I do have peace....the normal Christian everything-will-work-out kind of peace. But I am angry. Very angry.
I don't walk around punching walls, I spend 95% of the day smiling and happy, but underneath it all, ready to pounce like a lion is Mrs. Angry Michelle.
The smallest thing set me off. I read someone's status on facebook, not about me, not about anything at all really and I am ready to scream. The baby cries for more than 10 minutes and I need to put her down and walk away. Brian takes longer than 2 minutes to do something I ask him to do and I am ready to fight.....let's not even talk about how I feel when he says no.....
Where does all of this anger come from??
btw....rhetorical question, please do not try to tell me where you think my anger comes from because there is a good chance I will tell you off via comment.
I think it's from holding it in, honestly. I have never been one to hold onto my anger and try to get over it, and you know what? In my experience, IT DOESN'T WORK!!!
But when I was saved everyone started telling me "You can't say that." "You can't do that." "That's not right." Says who?? You? Who are you??
I am sick and freakin tired of trying to live my life for YOU!!!! I am supposed to be living my life for Jesus!! and you know what? Jesus offended people from time to time!! and you know what else? I CAN'T BE JESUS!!!!
Jesus was perfect, and I am not. And if I focus every bit of energy I have into being Jesus I will EXHAUST myself....I HAVE exhausted myself!! I can't do it!
Am I saying go out and shoot people and cuss everyone out if they look at you funny? No. There are certain behaviors that are not acceptable. There are some things that I want to do when I am angry and I simply should not.
But why are we living in this "your fine, I'm fine" fairy-tale world? You mad? Say it! Sad? That's ok too! Happy? Good for you, now go away, this is for people who are being REAL!!
People have emotions...that is how we are created and it does not make someone a "bad" Christian because they get mad, or sad, or depressed or anything else.
And those of you are really and truly are happy all the time. Good for you, now stop rubbing it in our faces. Not everyone has your peppiness and telling people "You just have to be happy!" doesn't fly! It's not that easy for some of us.
I really don't know what to say or how to offer much advice. I'm afraid to tell you "it'll get better" because it always does but idk if thats what you wanna hear. All I know to say is life is hard... I've been through some things in my life that I dread thinking of, mistakes that haunt me and memories that I'd rather not think about at times. We can't be like Jesus, its pretty much impossible. And I get snappy a lot, especially at home because im here all the time...Tony can tell ya and if AJ knew any better he would too (lol)Im just the type of person that I get embarrassed to show my anger in front of others. I just don't like to do it, my mom I was always so outspoken and voiced her opinion about everything, my sis too. I saw how people looked at them and I didnt want people to think of me that way. I talked through my emotions and tried to settle them b4 I even tried to make peace with whatever or whoever it was I was dealing with. (not telling you do this, just saying this is me!) I've known you for a long time but we've never really been truly close. I know we are COMPLETE opposites, thats pretty clear but just know I am always here if you wanna talk about anything. I was a sheltered kid and there's things you have been through that i cant relate to i understand. But that doesn't mean I wont listen and try to comfort you in any way that I can. Just pray and pray for what God would have you do at whatever this anger is coming from or is supposed to be directed towards...
ReplyDeletethanks Brittany :) love you
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